Pearl Harbor

I must admit that I have attempted several times to write about my trip to Pearl Harbor, but it has been difficult. It has taken the past week to fully collect my thoughts.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on why I decided to start this site, as I’ve have never had a blog before and putting my emotions out there in public is taking some getting used to. My initial reason for starting this blog was in hopes that it may bring some positivity into the lives of others who are going through a difficult time. I’ve been very excited about this journey to honor my dad and want to share it with others, but what happens when I have an especially difficult week, such as this week? Am I supposed to write about the difficult moments, too? I probably would have just given up on this blogging thing, were it not for the overwhelming amount of people, including many strangers, who have told me that what I am doing has helped or inspired them in some way. This feedback has helped me to conclude that I’m going to always be as open and transparent as possible throughout this journey, even if some of the entries are not as happy or uplifting as the others. Should any of my entries result in a damper on your day, I apologize in advance. I promise I’ll make up for it later. J Most importantly, for all of you who have helped me find my sense of purpose in this process, thank you.

So Pearl Harbor, sigh… As I mentioned in an earlier blog it was at the top of my dad’s list of things he wanted to see. After many opportunities to get him there, I kept postponing it and eventually it was too late… Needless to say it was a difficult and emotional day.

There is something very strange (and annoying) about the grieving process…. There are these random and unpredictable moments that trigger you into becoming an emotional mess. There are no warning signs, and sometimes for no reason at all for it, it just happens. A friend of mine recently told me that after a year of her dad’s passing she was at the grocery store and saw a can of olives, which reminded her of her dad. With that, she broke down crying in the middle of the canned food isle.

For me, my trigger at Pearl Harbor wasn’t when I got to the memorial sites, as moving as they were, but during the twenty minute documentary you are forced to watch before stepping foot onto the Arizona Memorial. In the sold out theater, was a single empty seat next to me. I couldn’t stop visualizing my dad sitting there watching the documentary in that open chair. The history buff he was, he would be at the edge of his seat, listening to every word. I couldn’t help but visualize the expressions he’d be making or what he’d be saying. I imagined looking over at him and smiling knowing that he finally made it and what a great day it would be. Then reality set in… that was never going to happen.

The rest of the day was of course difficult, but I couldn’t be happier that I did it. Also visited the U.S.S. Missouri which was the last battleship ever built and is where the U.S. and Japan signed the peace treaty which ended the war. (Also my dad was born in Missouri) Pretty cool... At the end of the day I sat at the shoreline, reflected on my thoughts and spread some of his ashes.  It gave me a huge sense of closure and I feel like I can finally turn the page and move on to a new chapter.