Fulfilling a Promise (While Overcoming Regret)

I have arrived safely in beautiful Hawaii. I have been here many times before and even lived here for a brief time back in summer of 2010. Although it is an amazing place to be, my heart is aching as I am here...

Arrived safely at Honolulu Airport (with dad)...

Hawaii was #1 on my dad's list of places he wanted to visit... Not just because of the photogenic beaches or the beautiful landscapes, it was because he wanted to see one thing: Pearl Harbor. My dad was born in 1931. He grew up in downtown Chicago during the Great Depression and witnessed a lot of the profound tragedies and triumphs in our nation's history. I always enjoyed hearing all of his amazing stories, as they gave me an even greater appreciation for the freedoms we continue to enjoy. When the attack on Pearl Harbor took place, my dad was old enough to remember it very well. His older brother, Mike, was a pilot in World War II and it always bothered him that he wasn't old enough to be in the military at that time. Later on, during the Korean War, my dad joined both the Navy and Air Force.

Dad, age 18

October 8, 2011 was my dad's 80th birthday and I decided it's time to get him to Hawaii. When I gave him the gift he started crying; he was overjoyed. Seventy years after the attack he remembered so vividly, he was finally going to visit Pearl Harbor...

Dad's 80th Birthday

Regrets...

My dad never made it to Pearl Harbor. After I gave him the gift I got really "busy," with my career, finding a new passion in flying and entering into a long distance relationship. Eventually I no longer had the money to go. I just kept putting it off and putting it off telling my dad, "Sorry dad, things just got so busy but we are going to go I promise! As soon as things calm down." He was always so patient and understanding with me. All he wanted was for me to continue my pursuit of happiness.

Regret is an interesting concept. It is especially difficult when it's too late and you aren't able to tell the person you're sorry. Since my dad died last month, I haven't stopped thinking about how much I wish I could go back. I feel as though I broke a promise to him that he had been looking forward to his entire life. I had so many opportunities to get him here. Why didn't I use my frequent flyer miles to get him here in 2010 when I was living here and had a couch for him to sleep on? Why did I let less important things take priority? Could I forgive myself?

Do things "happen for a reason"?

As I sat on the plane staring out the window on my way here, I realized if you look at things in life differently, you can almost always find a positive reason why things happen the way that they do. If I could go back in time and do things differently would I? Absolutely. But unfortunately life doesn't move backwards, it only moves forward. If I just continue to dwell on the past, how am I ever going to move on or improve myself for the future? I've been thinking a lot about the lessons I've learned through this experience and I'm realizing that it's because of this that I'm going to appreciate the important people in my life a lot more. Time is so so precious and we aren't guaranteed for tomorrow, nor are we guaranteed that we will SEE someone special to us tomorrow. This is a concept that I will be thinking about often in my future and I think it will enrich my life and the way I spend my time more than I know. If there is anything my dad wanted, it was to see me happy and see me grow and improve myself. I believe my dad would've sacrificed seeing Pearl Harbor for me to learn this lesson at the young age I am at.

We have all suffered from regret and wishing we had done things differently. But regret is only in our minds. This means that anyone has the power to overcome whatever is holding you back; keeping you depressed; keeping you from seeing the beauty in life and moving forward.

Today, I will be going to Pearl Harbor for the first time. During all my visits to Hawaii, I never went, as I wanted to share the experience with my dad. I'm sure it'll be a difficult day, but it'll also resemble a great lesson learned as I carry him with me and spread his ashes. This is for you Dad and I thank you for this blessing in disguise. Love you...

The Journey Begins

My entire life I have feared what it would be like to lose a parent. I’ve had many close friends who have lost a parent or loved one and I’ve watched as they have each grieved and processed it differently. I would always wonder how I would respond to such a difficult loss. Would I go through a great depression? Would I ever accomplish happiness again? How long does the grieving process take? Why do some people seem to get through it with a positive outlook and others don’t? Why do some live with years of regret, sometimes never over coming it, while others accomplish peace and happiness? Little did I know this fear would soon become a reality. This blog is about my journey through that process.

On Valentine’s Day, we found out my dad’s aortic valve had to be replaced and would require open-heart surgery a week later. While he made it through the procedure, rare complications made his survival impossible. On February 22, my dad was gone.

At 81, my dad lived a long healthy life but there were so many things he still wanted to see and do. I’m lucky that we were so close and often discussed many of the places he wanted to visit and things he still dreamed of doing but never had the chance. I’ve decided to help fulfill these dreams by spreading his ashes at these places while doing those things.

My hope is that, through this blog, maybe it can help others out there that have either lost a loved one, or, like I once was, curious to know what it is like to go through this before it happens. Death, as difficult as it is to face, is inevitable. All of us will suffer a great loss at some point in our lives.

For the next month, I invite you to join me as I’ll be traveling the world, checking off my dad’s “bucket list,” at over twenty different locations, in nine different countries... I’m nervous, excited, happy, sad, yet so anxious to see where this adventure will lead. I’m grateful to be able to share it with all of you.

Today is the first stop: Hawaii.